Dark chapter ... a newspaper has published Kate McCann`s diary, revealing her thoughts before and in the aftermath of daughter Madeleine`s disappearance. Madeleine McCann |
Kate McCann`s diary published by newspaper
Reveals a log of "dark thoughts"
McCann`s brave face hides tortured soul
A BRITISH newspaper has published the diary of agonised mother Kate McCann as she struggled to deal with daughter Madeleine`s disappearance, the Herald Sun reports
The diary was not released by Mrs McCann, but was leaked to the News of the World by a Portuguese reporter.
The diary was originally seized by Portuguese police in October 2007, as they tried unsuccessfully to make a case against the McCanns.
News of The World reported that the diary entries "destroy the litany of lies told by Portuguese police to paint them as cold and calculating".
Mrs McCann wrote: "I can`t bear being without Madeleine. It`s like torture - a slow painful death."
For months the Portuguese police leaked carefully selected extracts from the diary.
According to the paper, the extracts were chosen to deliberately paint her and husband Gerry as cold and uncaring.
The paper said it was publishing the diary extract "to nail those lies".
The 135-page journal covers April 28, 2007 to Tuesday, July 31.
Kate McCann`s log of the dark days after Madeleine vanished from their holiday flat reveals a tortured woman behind the brave face she had to portray in public, as initial disbelief and numbness gave way to desperation and rage.
The entry for the fateful day Madeleine McCann vanished - May 3, 2007 - makes chilling reading in her mother`s diary, because it started out being so normal.
Diary extracts
THURSDAY, MAY 3: Milk and biscuits for the kids. I left them with this and books and games and went to have a quick shower/wash my hair. M (Madeleine) tired, sitting on my lap.
I read the story of Mog (favourite children`s book). Brush teeth. To the bedroom with the kids.
M pulls away and puts her head on pillow. Kisses goodnight for M. Pulled the door to as far as possible without shutting it. Silence. Dry hair. Put make-up on. Glass of wine. Restaurant.
(During dinner nearby with friends the group took turns to check the children. At 10pm Kate discovers Madeleine gone. The McCanns and helpers frantically scour the area until 4am.)
FRIDAY, MAY 4: No sleep, Gerry and I started looking through the streets around 6am as it was starting to get light. Nobody around. Why not? Desperate.
Minutes seem like hours. Outside of the apartments masses of people asking questions about that night and for descriptions of Madeleine. Long day.
(Then Kate, Gerry and their seven friends were taken to the Policia Judiciaria, or PJ, headquarters in nearby Portimao to give statements.)
Nobody from the police introduced themselves. Nobody offered us a drink or food. All the police dressed informally and smoking. No sympathy was shown and far from inspiring.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 30: (After trip to see Pope) Low point of tonight, becoming desperate / without hope because of the lack of information.
(Police) are acting like they have no leads at all. Very worried.
Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since Madeleine was taken. Four weeks since we saw our special little girl.
We are not certain that we will ever see her again, but know that we have to keep up our hope and strength for the others, at least. Exhausted. I love you so much, Madeleine. You must come back! X
FRIDAY, JUNE 1: Quite fed up . . . I can`t stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back.
SATURDAY, JUNE 2: Cried again in bed. I can`t avoid it. I need her close to me. Thinking about her fear of pain breaks my heart.
Thinking about pedophiles makes me want to tear at my own skin. Of course these people, like psychopaths, aren`t normal human beings.
I was never in favour of the death penalty, but these people should be kept in a secure place.
THURSDAY, JUNE 7: I can`t bear this. I can`t bear being without Madeleine. It`s like torture, a slow, painful death. I hope her suffering, if she is suffering, is much less. Please God.
THURSDAY, JUNE 21: I went to the church around 9.20pm to pray a bit by myself, in peace. I got a bit annoyed, I don`t understand why God doesn`t answer.
TUESDAY, JULY 17: I`m worried about turning into a bitter, angry woman, that would be horrible. Please God bring Madeleine back and let this nightmare end. Please don`t let our lives be destroyed by this. Please don`t let them hurt Madeleine.
Dark chapter ... a newspaper has published Kate McCann`s diary, revealing her thoughts before and in the aftermath of daughter Madeleine`s disappearance. Madeleine McCann |
